cosmic consciousness and limitation as creative container
We are all of one consciousness, one wave, one beat, that ripples out/fractals out into smaller slices of surface consciousness. Within each of us we have access to the connected whole. Since the dawn of time people have been finding different portals and connections to this collective well within each of us. We find doorways to this well by attuning to and coregulating with nature and other earth entities outside of ourselves. The well goes by many names: source, internal planes of light, god, the universe, cosmic consciousness, divinity. It is the piece of ourselves that we recognize as greater than human. That belonged to us, and we belonged to it, in the long space before embodiment. A greater sense of nurturance or connectedness that is felt as the self larger than the self. Moments spent in awareness of this connection feel like ecstacy, orgasm, and death. A momentary forgetting of the earthbound trauma, or overwhelmingly minimizing it.
So what might be the purpose of this larger pool of consciousness sending droplets of itself into bodies. The purpose is to grow, learn, evolve, and connect thru the material of earth realm. Thru the separation and individuation of experiences within this life context, we learn different facets of consciousness and creation. A cosmic pancake spreading and morphing, separate from time. Time is not a pathway we are on but rather a dimension of measurement of change and space.
When i relate to time in this way it becomes not a measurement i battle but a place i dwell. So finding peace with time becomes less about a hierarchy of measurement and less even about forward and backward. Finding peace within time comes from finding coherence of orientation to myself within my contexts or various environments. Our experience of time is unique to embodied individuals with mental consciousness. It is how the body experiences the present and secondly how the mind interprets that experience that determines our relationship to time.
Limitation and restriction is one of the great friends of creativity. It is a strange physics of creation that more can be born of less. Specificity breeds wonder. For example, if one is plopped into a void with access to anything and everything the paradox of choices overwhelms and creativity limpins. But when we are given a limited prompt -like to make something with only a pencil, tape, and paper having to do with trees - our creativity flutters. So much fluidity and newness can flourish within a strong container.
Our individual incarnations are in a way different creative experiments born of different sets of circumstances and restrictions. What are our bodies but tiny vessels for booming creativity. Beholding this with awe helps me to shift my relationship to limits from one of scarcity to one of opportunity. Sometimes limits are a challenge to overcome and sometimes a signpost to try a different way. We all come with tools and body wisdom to help us sort thru which. And we find sacred mirrors in each other to help us reveal our processes and journeys along the way. What is the shape of your creative container? What are the loving walls of your vessel that you mistook for bars?
a practice - identify 3 limits you feel burdened with in this lifetime. what creative opportunities or benefits are associated with those limits? what have these limits taught you about yourself or your journey? what have you been led to in the process of experiencing or responding to those limits?
[image of in progress painting Quantum Egg Takes A Linear Trip by lou fuzzy 2021]
trust-falling into community & practice
my pieces scatter, swim.
it follows, the humbling reminder to keep returning returning.
my pieces scatter, swim. it follows, the humbling reminder to keep returning returning.
i can't stop myself from leaving my center leaving my body leaving my practice. the waters are too tumultuous at the moment. this is my most consistently received advice lately from spirits and other spirit workers: return return. reconnect to community, reconnect to practice and the tools i've been cultivating to connect with balance and harmony. to be with my flow.
much is throwing us off the axis of nature, off the balanced centrifugal flow within and around our ecosystems. much is tearing us away from our center. maybe it is always like this to sum degree but at the moment it feels violent. and the burnout is real. in despair, in overwhelm, and in disembodiment, what can i do but return as best as i can to source from moment to moment. it is not sexy advice, it is the words of diligence, of devotion. (i sometimes find myself frustrated with the lack of felt empathy from spirit for the body and physical experiences, this is also when i'm turned toward my community. we share the experience of being in body. we and the earth can help hold and feel fully witnessed when traversing the physical challenges of life). marlee grace has a whole book about returning to center. it is a frequent topic she shares on and reflects that the goal might not be to stop leaving center but to be kind to ourselves when we inevitably do. in the midst of leaving ourselves and our practice over and over, how do we hold ourselves? in what ways do we respond to being met with the same and similar lessons in new light and new spacetime. can we soften the mind's tendency to solve and define our experience.. to ruminate over and over on why life is a system of ups and downs, comings and goings, pleasures and disappointments. can we be with this as a loving practice of movement thru the inevitability of change. existence has what we need and if we are busy negating existence and denying what is presenting for us we are missing the pathways to and thru center,, towards our next lesson, next experience. movement is the only sure practice of stability. if we lose our flexibility for mobility, we ossify the space where response happens. make the present an unsafe place to be. the operating system of our bodies and minds placing protocols and reactions in the place of presence. we become more machine, less alive. machine in the sense that we act as if we are a system of (often binary) options.. a state of reactivity. "if this happens — than i do that." we code stagnancy and disorientation into our very being. our multidimensional capacity for discernment becoming a labyrinth of coded reactions. a labyrinth i keep finding myself in. and what can i do? what am i doing wrong/what am i missing? i return to my guides. they respond, “fall back, lay back into your practice. this is what it's for. return return, softly, humbly vulnerably. to your practice. to your community, to the bareness and intimacy of being with life and the present moment primarily.” allowing what comes, and creating space space, to respond to the information that you’re getting as best you can in the present moment without getting lost in the past or the future. returning to now. returning to my people, returning to my practice. even if only one small gesture at a time. it is a decisive fall of trust with the unknown instead of a flailing grasp for control. as Bayo Akomolafe says “falling may as well be flying if it weren’t for the tyranny of coordinates.” my difference in experience is undoubtedly my orientation to the plunge.
i am feeling, more, the reality of being in many presents at once. something my body gets lost to. in an effort to minimize the pain and disorientation, i try to gather more info than i can manage in order to make an indisputable 'ideal' decision, which of course negates the very process of life and its unfolding. a dog chasing my tail. and tho i keep finding myself in this dizzy spell, it becomes easier to notice. i can find a tiny space to gather and quiet, to source what’s available to me. sometimes seeking the smallest action possible to bring balance or outlet to what i’m experiencing. sometimes all i can manage and all i need is to stop flailing. then my next move becomes apparent. so trusting in movement and stillness, i do whatever i can to return, softly, aiming for center and accepting what comes. inevitably i trust-fall into a into a web of beloved tendrils of practice and community that continues to grow around me.
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for more bite-sized shares and exercises on spiritual practice check out fuzzyland.
finding the way thru with despair
2 patchwork candles with green flame on black fabric
"sometimes life is hazy. & what will be the rope you follow out of this hole?" - spirit’s advice during my recent dance with despair.
developing my mediumship practice has taught me that in moments of sensory overwhelm and confusion i can always reachout and catch a string to follow thru the noise. it’s a story, a pathway, an opening, a structure. it is not a clear picture of everything, rather just the slice of pie that i can digest and manage. just because we have access to something doesn't mean it's meant for us. trying to manage and comprehend every thing is a quick path to overwhelm. i've also learned that what does come thru, the string that i do catch is what's meant for me. what i need to know at that time. so, with breath and practice, i focus and follow.
i begin with inquiry. what is the point of being in this hole. to find my way out? to know how it feels? to learn what it's sharing? we do not have to have the answers to be in movement - to continue living. in fact, life is a series of mysteries and perceived chronology thru which we grow. to be able to contain the full truth of existence is to pass out of this plane and out of our meatsuits. holding and remembering the totality of my/our being at once is a futile pursuit, i often have to remind myself. i regularly need to sit with this fact and consciously recommit to the earth experience. we will never be on a constant up or perpetual plateau. the nature of life is change. the nature of life is a full spectrum of experience that may register as preferred or nonpreferred to us. in moments of neuro-synchronicity i feel so down with this. down for the spectrum, the whole all of everything as it decides to dance into my life. but the bodily experience of fear n disorientation and discomfort can bring me thru a washing machine of despair. from which i must note i always emerge. life is change.
it is okay to experience despair. but spirit advised me that entertaining it as a guest is draining my energy. too, trying to run from despair thru numbing or avoidance merely cinches the hose of this energy temporarily, only to flood thru my experience later in an overwhelming deluge that disorients and threatens to drown. sometimes the line feels impossible to find, between acknowledging and absorbing/identifying. as a deeply sensitive being in many senses of the word, the intensity of displeasure, fear and anxiety in my system can be challenging to hold in context/community with the rest of my experiences. so it's not so much finding my way thru despair as it is finding despair's way thru me that i must attend to. what is despair's relief?
i am reminded again and again and again that these waves are not ours to traverse alone. this too is a part of the life game. in a recent session with Sanyu Estelle she reminds me that our practice is not for when we are feeling good. we practice so that it's there for us when we are out of balance, unstable. practice brings equilibrium. while it may feel exponentially harder to show up in practice with presence in times of despair, even if i can only touch a small kernel, the benefits can be profound. a life preserver. being with and in community is a most important spoke in my web of practice and support. continuing to show up and share from this place is also a twine of my web that is valuable to more than myself. even if it's not clear to me from this spacetime. being in community and in practice with the full spectrum of myself is honoring my humanity and being fully in the earth game. a committed piece of the whole to help and be helped, to learn share and grow together. which is what earth is all about. i remember too the moments of being a supportive strand of someone elses web. and what a profound taste of wholeness it gives me. what a sweet remembering of the nectars of life and our makeup of stardust. we are stars, we burn for eachother. as a web we grow and connect and hold eachother so we can continue to catch these blessings - the nourishment of life. the pleasure and joy of sensing & being. with the full spectrum of life's offerings.
sending so much love to your corner of this transforming earth,
lou
death inside the unfolding of love *
death as lover
(written frm the quantum viewpoint of myself - as much an incantation as it is a reflection)
when i greet death, i do it with love
i feel the widening weightlessness of my molecules
realizing i’ve just stepped out of the theatre
i glance behind me in an all-seeing moment at what is concluded
and all i can feel is love
for i saw death before
and did not run frm it or lie or die or try
to disappear
i sat with death
i sat with death as the grass dried
it’s brittle bones ever-slowly thinning to dust
watched it return to the earth, rest, to later
burst forth a sexual explosion of crimson, violet, & gold
i watched death as it laid onto the human body
slowly unsticking the energy frm matter
a felt moment of distinction -
i watched my love with death, still them
small first, then an explosion of energy, as a star
i met death in everymoment of shift n change and transformation
mourning first, dreading. then
unfurling to death in it’s erotic grief-filled splendor
giving myself with love, again and again to the void
releasing myself with gratitude, into whatever pleasure it could offer
when i meet death, i smile into its face
not with defiance, but with love
in erotic celebration of the evershifting molecules
that give rise to our perception of cycle
this sacred end that makes all beginnings possible
for in truth, i kno i am always living and dying
and have been living in love and loving in death for millions of moments before this one
feeling so versed and rehearsed, i do not know another way
to greet sweet death than w love
*when Alexis Pauline Gumbs answers Prentis Hemphill’s question of ‘where are we’, her answer is “in the unfolding of love”. this cuts to the feeling of being anywhere and within luv while fully acknowledging its fluidity & vastness. a thing i can feel and did not yet have words for. (frm an interview with Prentis on their podcast Finding Our Way.)
inside the egg (notes frm painting residency: deep egg intimacy, deviated paths, & explorations of the point)
unfolding unfurling
a plan foreseen can still be deviated frm if only to return later and this can be the true path
the embedded lesson (lesion). i’m reminded always how the trauma point/fracture point is the place of greatest growth and return. beauty comes of all things; a faultline in my health can create the space for a needed soft return -- can make self-reflection undeniable.
i recently spent 8 days in upstate ny (at Succurro) steeped in a self-led painting residency (now affectionately referred to as th eggrez). the egg centering as theme, symbol and medium contextualized a deep intimate relationship with an entity in a way i’ve never before experienced.
a lot of firsts went down in th eggrez : first time working big scale, first time working fully abstract, first time setting aside more than a week to exclusively paint, first time working with raw pigment & tempera (egg yolks ℅ chickies on the land), and my first time channeling fully visioned pieces.
i foresaw that i would yearn for the free expressiveness of impression painting and the earthly eroticism of figure painting and brought a scratch piece: a thinking and play canvas where i could release and stretch out frm the steadied focus and specificity of the series as well as flush out ideas.
when it came to the series, i found the more i surrendered & maintained an energy of loving and effervescent dedication, the more effortlessly i could walk the line of my path thru this experience. trying to be in control - to have an umbrella understanding/birds eye view of the process and how it was unfolding while trying to be deep in the details and flow of execution put my system into an unnecessary overdrive (that’s all too familiar).
a story of contexts
overlaying archetypal journeys
entities // energies
if i could relax enough i could put one foot in front of the other long enough to dance thru th day.
in the end the timing was exactly right.
as with my budding spirit council practice, the visual drops in first and the context follows, usually one stone at a time. and sumtimes, with great ecstasy - sensational understanding drops in all at once.
even in writing this i’m needing to ignore whatever overarching story is emerging in order to see the next step. they are contradictory modes the overseer & the creatrix. the overseer is concerned with the sense it might make when complete, the worth it might hold.
the creatrix, becoming a veil for a moment labors something thru frm the other side~materialization requires earth energy. i find labor to be a slippery word. in a recent Kindling Kind session w Maryann, they reminded me of humans “being in labor” and what goes into this sacred act of creation and birthing.
i had been casting “labor” as bad. critically forgetting the beauty & purpose of it in its harmonious expression.
i think of how nature burths & creates, how it’s beings go thru labor
[now we’re talking more about how labor is not a bad thing and we need sum of it applied in aligned/ harmonious space to achieve, survive, evolve.
i guess we’re not off topic still talking about eggs . .]
mixed color eggies frm the succurro chickens
egg yolk seperated to becum paint medium
~ Realizations thru stages of Channeled Knowing* & Live Unfolding ~
(channeled knowing)
sum intuited things i knew i needed to integrate into the residency:
several hours rest daily
at least 2 hot meals a day
daily stretching
daily walks around the land and catching up with the animals & flora
daily reflection space
more time than i think i’ll need to do most things
a determination to surrender to the process
before arriving, i channeled a plan to do an 8’x8’ point painting with tempera & pigment & few colors. because of this plan that didn’t come to fruition (yet) i had all the pigments n paint materials i required. the plan for the support/ground for that painting strung me along until it was cancelled at the last minute, a shift i trusted w/o too much concern or understanding.
(live unfolding)
the big 36”x58” painting that i did do took me almost 2 days to just set up n gesso the canvas. so this was the thing i was stressin that i would not have time to get to or that it wouldnt dry in time or i wouldnt get the clear plan in time. the hold up was that my energy was pouring into the point story. only, at the time what i thot i was working on were sketches to hold the space. i was anxious to get them finished and get onto the ‘main events’.
the first day we arrived happened to be the presentation of the Mythologies of the Point - a SourcePoint presentation from Josh Schrei, that left me feelin juiced n buzzzing. i initially thought the giant point painting would serve as a portal for two yet-to-be-made series . i wanted to get there and get that painting done quickly so i could focus on the rest of the work. i planned to do 4-5 paintings during my time and felt like 4 of those would be the first four paintings in a 12 painting series. the point story unfolded )))
(channeled knowing)
the second morning of painting rez; a channelled message frm one of my creative spirit guides:
“sharing the path forward
“first there will be a sign
“of which way to go” (visual: stop sign - an egg directing traffic)
“it’s not a clear path
“just a clear beginning
“the egg unfolds as
“the path is walked
“the egg in this case is
“the curling feet
the curling pathway, the fractal, the spiral
“curling inward ever towards the center - the Source
- need to do several point paintings
“the point is the path
“show the point - grow it larger
“show the spiral grow it larger
“return to the point” (gold on black)
“the point is the pathway back to the point”
{i desired a lil further grounding n turned to tarot for guidance}
tarot advice - the four stages**
surrender (order/source) ‘enter w luv center and full trust; surrender, release’
apparition tarot deck by mary evans
connection (balance/grounding) ‘ground w tools n ritual, call in guides; med, dance, play’
awareness (harmony/activation) ‘pull up frm the dark portal within: source/pour out gems ((harmony thru surrender))—> the horizontal axis; the path fwd
release (flow/transformation) clear yr vessel ‘bring singularity to the many flowing voices’ ((flow thru surrender to cycle of connect & release; witnessing vastness -- paradox))
if u feel in conflict, center in luv & awareness: surrender
(live unfolding)
overcum with this new longview of the pieces unwinding, by that afternoon i was setting unreasonable goals by the handful n skipped a hot lunch in favor of several bowls of cereal. i had already becum my own ruthless manager by that evening and my system tied itself in a knot the next morning. i couldnt do a thing but think about the steps to recovering and feeling better (let alone painting). i traced my steps, a short trip. i had lost my way at the beginning, i had forgotten to surrender.
(~channeled knowing & live unfolding meet~) `*’a space of flo is reached’*`
one word came thru for what was needed N O U R I S H. a day of rest, nourishing with food n earth, and recentring myself to my mode within the task. a sourcepoint/bodytalk session the next morning re linkd communication breakdown frm within & i was a whole new bean. i joyfully showed up every morning, pouring gratitude into the space & energies partaking, caretaking my body and its needs and continually asking ‘what’s next, what feels right rn’.
dusk rainbow ovr succurro barn
poof cloud blanket ovr succurro barn
i realized after the experience of deviating frm my path and plan that the four pieces i was laboring over were the four pieces of the larger series that i had planned to do. caught up in outcome expectations, i was relating to them like preparatory sketches. instead of releasing to what was unfolding, i was trying to rush them thru in order to get to sum ‘more meaningful’ idea execution. the larger piece that i was worried about not getting to ended up being painted in the last cpl days of the residenci over the full libra moon ~ a potent & joyful mirror of balance and duality. i am reminded regularly to relax into the divine timing of it all.
full moon reflects on puddled porch of studio
in progress a quantum egg takes a linear trip
i remember too, deviated paths are such for our learning, for our growth. so i wonder,, how do i work & create without slipping into the comfy self-abuse of toxic productivity. how do i feel the subtle shifts in my mode before its effects ripple into my physical body ? perhaps more succinctly, what exactly is balanced productivity? what is grounded flow?
with this question i leave u for now, perhaps findings & possible answers to come.
thx for reading
xo,
lou fuzzy
point story, part I ; an ordered view of the point
*channeled knowing in this instance refers to both tuned channeling & engaged intuition.
**the quantumness of these stages makes this linear explanation a loose perception; in reality this is a full state like a river entered into. i find my way to the river by putting my awareness on it in stages.
a quantum egg takes a linear trip (wip) behind point story paintings
succurro fellowship: what wonder does awareness bring: a practice
i can feel the tension melt away from different areas in my body as i settle into each guardian point*. not physical tension, but energetic tension: a clog in the system, a murky area so contracted and stiff, the breath can’t permeate. then the invisible plug pulls as i plunge my fingers gently into the little healing gateways around the body. holding the guardian points allows the rigidity to dissipate and fresh energy to flush in. then the release of physical tension follows. little sighs cascade all over my body as my muscles unclench. areas being contorted so tightly as if the bodily attachment depends on it. i let go, i don’t fall apart. i become porous, a colander with widening holes. discordant energies soar out thru the holes and i feel a pulsing of my system as it rejoices in the new space and flows into its self. then the euphoria. the tingling wave and soft wash of prickle sensation as my body sinks down to become one with the earth. the rest of me floats up, into a stream of airwaves that reminds me of the constricting expansive feeling of love. i float in the love and it calms me washes me soothes me. below my body is communicating, reorganizing, systemizing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
my mind starts taking notes: when i really come back to myself what i come back to is love. if ur not coming back to love, u just haven’t finished the journey back to your tru self yet. beneath conditioning and rejection and fear,, if we tear back all the layers of everything, there is a tiny pearl of liquid pure love. on the inside, the other side, the big soup of source the inner planes of lite, the truth n love that lives in all of us. mmm the big soup of source.. when i taste it it’s so delicious. the feeling of wholeness, oneness. when we are so raw and honest and present that looking in someone’s face feels like looking in a mirror and we could be the sun or the moon or a tree or a turkey. i am many things (everything) looking at myself.. the feeling tickles me and i laugh everytime. the memory that we are more than these bodies of isolation.
if i feel far from u it is because i am far from myself. far from the center, far from the truth, far from love.
this isn’t my experience every time i engage guardian points. this is what i imagine is happening behind the curtain when my mind is fluttery and it takes all my focus to just, hold, the points. but when my mind is intrigued and quiet,i can be an open observer to witness the energetic dance. when i am not afraid of what i will find, what wonder and rapture awaits. i feel my meaning of home quake.
*guardian points are a meditative practice of SourcePoint Therapy
(this post was written during my time in fellowship at Succurro 2020)
succurro fellowship: ordered parts
a reflection on three months of order:
order has been about finding the parts, the components that make up my life: the things i want to give my attention to. then reflecting on those bits.. in what way do they feed me? what need is filled/question answered/sustenance provided? what things do i need to release in order to have more room for what brings me joy and satisfies my desires?
part of finding order for me is about finding simplicity. there is order within chaos and chaos within order. they are also a type of spectrum. finding simplicity is a way for me to turn down the chaos for a moment and really dig into the details of what’s going on. what thoughts/actions are reactions/routine versus those which carry intention. (these unfold and become naturally apparent thru self reflection and/or in the hyperfocused mining-method called breakthrough.) recognizing old holding patterns that no longer serve me is the empowering impetus for release. there is more space, less chaos. in simplicity, i reduce variables and begin to identify more particularly how i am affected by things and the subtle energy occurrences and shifts. there’s been a lot of realigning my vision with it’s execution in the process. i am finding more cognitive consonance.
clearing blocks and reconnecting ordered parts has been a huge part of finding order in my system during this period. places in my physical and energetic body where i’ve been holding resentment, anger, victim consciousness have been pinpointed and shifted. (sometimes it’s apparent these shifts trace back to a bodytalk or sourcepoint session and othertimes it feels more a product of many intentions and actions coalescing.) clearing out the blocks, clearing out unnecessary chaos, leads toward order naturally.
order is all about identifying, plugging into the information, getting clear on the what. with clarity on the what, focus can shift to the when and how much as we move into balance. my initial feeling is that these ordered parts are at odds with each other; they can not coexist without friction or exhaustion. this is a limiting belief that is the first thing i release. i accept that balance, harmony, and flow are not only possible but coming.
(this post was written during my time & in reflection of fellowship with Succurro 2019-2020)
succurro fellowship: dark sea
i’m fully in the sea of dark days. the desaturated sun barely whispers thru the atmosphere. the yearly plunge into coolblackdepths is a regular shock to my system. the feelings flow, i withdraw, depression descends. tho recently when friends ask how i’m doing, the honest answer is pretty good. which feels disingenuous if i don’t acknowledge that i’m really going thru it and there’s a lot to go through.. but instead of slinking into a helplessness depression, i attend to the issues that arise. it’s been like i’m lifting ‘the rug’ and deep cleaning underneath; things that have been tucked away for years, decades, the majority of my life, even lifetimes passed. i’m here, it’s a little nuts, but i’m totally handling it. it’s a new feeling.
this shift also feels very saturn return-y. like body and mind agree - whatever it is - we just gotta deal with it, cuz we’re not putting more shit under the rug when we’re busy cleanin it out. get in there, get dirty, feel all the pain and discomfort of shedding, of growing. a sense that there is no way around, only through.
tho the deep dives into the cold, dark environment are familiar, there’s something different this time. it doesn’t feel like a monotonous vacuum of nothingness that might not end.
the difference is i’m still in touch with joy. i experience some form or many forms, everyday. i’m still creating, still doing. i’m soft with myself, my body, this time around. i’m listening to what it needs, when it wants to do nothing, not piling on shame to the many feels that already swoop-in this time of year.
i still feel my sense of purpose most days. i touch base with my anchors and buoys i’ve scattered for myself, staying grounded and afloat. i maintain a sense of my body: where i stop and the external begins. i have tools to engage when that border gets fuzzy. having clarity of self opens avenues for much bigger boulders to move. it allows the energy around me to flow.
it’s clear that working on healing with others often mirrors energetic disconnects in ourselves. the theme of a moment in my healing reiterates from many directions. (a dream, something someone says, a meditative realization, something that comes up in a session, a conflict, something i witness). all forces working with me to uncover, process, grow. all the people in my journey, showing up to share with me something about myself. { collectively just millions of tini pieces of universe sharing itself with eachother ,, what JOY, what BEAUTY ! }
there are clues to the innerworkings of the life game all around us, and the key to shifting is simply our attention. attention is an antidote to boredom, the key to connection, and a powerful medicine.
having a place to return to in a daily meditation practice makes self-attention a daily priority. each piece of our 6 part mediation practice is varied in approach and offers a different energetic inventory and attunement. diamond points meditation helps me drop into stillness, feeling the energy pulses of my body and its surrounding field. during cortices tapping, i feel how easily i’m able to make the two halves of my brain kinda glow and kiss each other, awakening their cooperation. starting the day with these practices is a lovely way to check-in with my self first thing in the morning like ‘hey welcome to the day how we feelin?’. sometimes it’s business as usual and other times i get clarity about somewhere there’s disharmony or something that needs my attention. the ritual of self-attunement ripples out affecting my overall energetic availability. so in the midst of all the feels and growth, when i stop to consider how i’m doing in this sea of dark, i’m surprised and delighted that i’m not just able to float, but to swim.
(this post was written within & in reflection of my fellowship time with succurro 2019-2020)
succurro fellowship: time out
-just see what’s there-
trepidation, anxiety, indecision.. things i’ve been feeling a lot of lately. feelings that come up when i give too much authority over to my mind. trying to rationalize everything is a recipe for the mental merrygoround (it only speeds up and it’s challenging to get off). the alternative is to listen to my body without judgement, turn down the mind rambling societal commentary of what’s good,bad,right,wrong, even when it feels scary or avoidant.
the mind as a rationalizing passenger, not the decisionmaker. something to be consulted, a tool to be used, a filter thru which to understand certain information from our environment. when appointed the driver, the mind acts as a block to other types of information. these are truths i hold, yet they still feel hard to access when the conditions are extreme.
i remind my mind, you can always change course at any time. you Will always change course Allthe time. ‘the Course’ is made by a series of directional changes -- {everything emerges from a Single Point: the now, my center, my current connection to consciousness. from the point emerges the Line: moments connected, my path/direction. from the line emerges Pattern: purposeful movement, harmonious interconnectedness, Flow.}
Flow is transcending what we are capable of with ourmind/ourselves alone..
~~~an interconnected species knowledge: that we all have access to if we slow our systems enuf to speak the language, to listen.~~~
- Just see what’s there -
i’ve been feeling ill, productivity is a scarce pleasure i covet. my body is in a deep place of telling me something - asking for something - i can’t quite figure out. that is to say, shift from dis-ease into harmony. these are the Learning Times tobesure. also a source, a point, from which we emerge/proceed/level up. when i feel time is my enemy, i waiver on everything, not wanting to waste more time or emerge in the wrong direction.
- just See what’s there -
there is no wrong direction or right direction. only direction (movement) or stillness. whatever lesson is here for me now is exactly what i’m ready for (*you can change course at any time*). but don’t just see What’s there; *really* See what’s there. get really into it; all the human stuff. ‘what is this new thing i have never felt before? how can i make this into a ritual to honor&savor whatever this experience has to offer..’ when i approach life in this way, it is playful and i find all of the beauty everywhere; beauty that may rarely get a chance to be beheld. it is truly special. so special, that it seems to me this might be the whole point of spaceship earth. it is in this mindset that i feel most in flow and harmony with life and all its parts.
- just see What’s there -
in my continued journey of deconditioning the greatest mountain is to throw out ideas of good&bad, which implies right&wrong. these ideas come from a very old paradigm way of thinking that insists there is a singular way; a mindset we as a society are rapidly outgrowing. there is no good&bad there are only preferences and a multitude of possibilities and realities.
~~~ as a quantum creator & divine piece of the universe
there are infinite possibilities in any given moment
making up infinite realities of possibility ~~~
**i have access to all of these possibilities and realities if i hone the connection, just as we all have access to the blueprint for health - the human pattern**
- just see what’s There -
so why am i here now?
when does it change? what does it feel like to rest and do nothing? to release anxieties and time pressures, to fully release control, to not push past exhaustion. to respond in real time to everything my body is asking for even when the mind protests. maybe that alone is the lesson to be learned, or something deeper will be uncovered.
i honor this moment, thank it for things, of what i’m not sure. i marinate in it and look for what’s new, unfamiliar, beautiful. i listen and make space for tiny nudges and lightning bugs to show me the next move. and without consulting my mind, i step in to just see what’s there.
(this post was written frm within & in reflection of fellowship at succurro)