succurro fellowship: what wonder does awareness bring: a practice

i can feel the tension melt away from different areas in my body as i settle into each guardian point*. not physical tension, but energetic tension: a clog in the system, a murky area so contracted and stiff, the breath can’t permeate. then the invisible plug pulls as i plunge my fingers gently into the little healing gateways around the body. holding the guardian points allows the rigidity to dissipate and fresh energy to flush in. then the release of physical tension follows. little sighs cascade all over my body as my muscles unclench. areas being contorted so tightly as if the bodily attachment depends on it. i let go, i don’t fall apart. i become porous, a colander with widening holes. discordant energies soar out thru the holes and i feel a pulsing of my system as it rejoices in the new space and flows into its self. then the euphoria. the tingling wave and soft wash of prickle sensation as my body sinks down to become one with the earth. the rest of me floats up, into a stream of airwaves that reminds me of the constricting expansive feeling of love. i float in the love and it calms me washes me soothes me. below my body is communicating, reorganizing, systemizing. 

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my mind starts taking notes:  when i really come back to myself what i come back to is love. if ur not coming back to love, u just haven’t finished the journey back to your tru self yet. beneath conditioning and rejection and fear,, if we tear back all the layers of everything, there is a tiny  pearl of liquid pure love. on the inside, the other side, the big soup of source the inner planes of lite, the truth n love that lives in all of us. mmm the big soup of source.. when i taste it it’s so delicious. the feeling of wholeness, oneness. when we are so raw and honest and present that looking in someone’s face feels like looking in a mirror and we could be the sun or the moon or a tree or a turkey. i am many things (everything) looking at myself.. the feeling tickles me and i laugh everytime. the memory that we are more than these bodies of isolation. 

if i feel far from u it is because i am far from myself. far from the center, far from the truth, far from love.

this isn’t my experience every time i engage guardian points. this is what i imagine is happening behind the curtain when my mind is fluttery and it takes all my focus to just, hold, the points. but when my mind is intrigued and quiet,i can be an open observer to witness the energetic dance. when i am not afraid of what i will find, what wonder and rapture awaits. i feel my meaning of home quake.

*guardian points are a meditative practice of SourcePoint Therapy

(this post was written during my time in fellowship at Succurro 2020)