trust-falling into community & practice
my pieces scatter, swim.
it follows, the humbling reminder to keep returning returning.
my pieces scatter, swim. it follows, the humbling reminder to keep returning returning.
i can't stop myself from leaving my center leaving my body leaving my practice. the waters are too tumultuous at the moment. this is my most consistently received advice lately from spirits and other spirit workers: return return. reconnect to community, reconnect to practice and the tools i've been cultivating to connect with balance and harmony. to be with my flow.
much is throwing us off the axis of nature, off the balanced centrifugal flow within and around our ecosystems. much is tearing us away from our center. maybe it is always like this to sum degree but at the moment it feels violent. and the burnout is real. in despair, in overwhelm, and in disembodiment, what can i do but return as best as i can to source from moment to moment. it is not sexy advice, it is the words of diligence, of devotion. (i sometimes find myself frustrated with the lack of felt empathy from spirit for the body and physical experiences, this is also when i'm turned toward my community. we share the experience of being in body. we and the earth can help hold and feel fully witnessed when traversing the physical challenges of life). marlee grace has a whole book about returning to center. it is a frequent topic she shares on and reflects that the goal might not be to stop leaving center but to be kind to ourselves when we inevitably do. in the midst of leaving ourselves and our practice over and over, how do we hold ourselves? in what ways do we respond to being met with the same and similar lessons in new light and new spacetime. can we soften the mind's tendency to solve and define our experience.. to ruminate over and over on why life is a system of ups and downs, comings and goings, pleasures and disappointments. can we be with this as a loving practice of movement thru the inevitability of change. existence has what we need and if we are busy negating existence and denying what is presenting for us we are missing the pathways to and thru center,, towards our next lesson, next experience. movement is the only sure practice of stability. if we lose our flexibility for mobility, we ossify the space where response happens. make the present an unsafe place to be. the operating system of our bodies and minds placing protocols and reactions in the place of presence. we become more machine, less alive. machine in the sense that we act as if we are a system of (often binary) options.. a state of reactivity. "if this happens — than i do that." we code stagnancy and disorientation into our very being. our multidimensional capacity for discernment becoming a labyrinth of coded reactions. a labyrinth i keep finding myself in. and what can i do? what am i doing wrong/what am i missing? i return to my guides. they respond, “fall back, lay back into your practice. this is what it's for. return return, softly, humbly vulnerably. to your practice. to your community, to the bareness and intimacy of being with life and the present moment primarily.” allowing what comes, and creating space space, to respond to the information that you’re getting as best you can in the present moment without getting lost in the past or the future. returning to now. returning to my people, returning to my practice. even if only one small gesture at a time. it is a decisive fall of trust with the unknown instead of a flailing grasp for control. as Bayo Akomolafe says “falling may as well be flying if it weren’t for the tyranny of coordinates.” my difference in experience is undoubtedly my orientation to the plunge.
i am feeling, more, the reality of being in many presents at once. something my body gets lost to. in an effort to minimize the pain and disorientation, i try to gather more info than i can manage in order to make an indisputable 'ideal' decision, which of course negates the very process of life and its unfolding. a dog chasing my tail. and tho i keep finding myself in this dizzy spell, it becomes easier to notice. i can find a tiny space to gather and quiet, to source what’s available to me. sometimes seeking the smallest action possible to bring balance or outlet to what i’m experiencing. sometimes all i can manage and all i need is to stop flailing. then my next move becomes apparent. so trusting in movement and stillness, i do whatever i can to return, softly, aiming for center and accepting what comes. inevitably i trust-fall into a into a web of beloved tendrils of practice and community that continues to grow around me.
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