unfolding unfurling

a plan foreseen can still be deviated frm if only to return later and this can be the true path

the embedded lesson (lesion). i’m reminded always how the trauma point/fracture point is the place of greatest growth and return. beauty comes of all things; a faultline in my health can create the space for a needed soft return -- can make self-reflection undeniable.

i recently spent 8 days in upstate ny (at Succurro) steeped in a self-led painting residency (now affectionately referred to as th eggrez). the egg centering as theme, symbol and medium contextualized a deep intimate relationship with an entity in a way i’ve never before experienced.

a lot of firsts went down in th eggrez : first time working big scale, first time working fully abstract, first time setting aside more than a week to exclusively paint, first time working with raw pigment & tempera (egg yolks ℅ chickies on the land), and my first time channeling fully visioned pieces.

i foresaw that i would yearn for the free expressiveness of impression painting and the earthly eroticism of figure painting and brought a scratch piece: a thinking and play canvas where i could release and stretch out frm the steadied focus and specificity of the series as well as flush out ideas.

when it came to the series, i found the more i surrendered & maintained an energy of loving and effervescent dedication, the more effortlessly i could walk the line of my path thru this experience. trying to be in control - to have an umbrella understanding/birds eye view of the process and how it was unfolding while trying to be deep in the details and flow of execution put my system into an unnecessary overdrive (that’s all too familiar).

a story of contexts

overlaying archetypal journeys

entities // energies

if i could relax enough i could put one foot in front of the other long enough to dance thru th day.

in the end the timing was exactly right.

as with my budding spirit council practice, the visual drops in first and the context follows, usually one stone at a time. and sumtimes, with great ecstasy - sensational understanding drops in all at once.

even in writing this i’m needing to ignore whatever overarching story is emerging in order to see the next step. they are contradictory modes the overseer & the creatrix. the overseer is concerned with the sense it might make when complete, the worth it might hold.

the creatrix, becoming a veil for a moment labors something thru frm the other side~materialization requires earth energy. i find labor to be a slippery word. in a recent Kindling Kind session w Maryann, they reminded me of humans “being in labor” and what goes into this sacred act of creation and birthing.

i had been casting “labor” as bad. critically forgetting the beauty & purpose of it in its harmonious expression.
i think of how nature burths & creates, how it’s beings go thru labor

[now we’re talking more about how labor is not a bad thing and we need sum of it applied in aligned/ harmonious space to achieve, survive, evolve.

i guess we’re not off topic still talking about eggs . .]

~ Realizations thru stages of Channeled Knowing* & Live Unfolding ~

(channeled knowing)

sum intuited things i knew i needed to integrate into the residency:

several hours rest daily
at least 2 hot meals a day
daily stretching
daily walks around the land and catching up with the animals & flora
daily reflection space
more time than i think i’ll need to do most things
a determination to surrender to the process

before arriving, i channeled a plan to do an 8’x8’ point painting with tempera & pigment & few colors. because of this plan that didn’t come to fruition (yet) i had all the pigments n paint materials i required. the plan for the support/ground for that painting strung me along until it was cancelled at the last minute, a shift i trusted w/o too much concern or understanding.

(live unfolding)

the big 36”x58” painting that i did do took me almost 2 days to just set up n gesso the canvas. so this was the thing i was stressin that i would not have time to get to or that it wouldnt dry in time or i wouldnt get the clear plan in time. the hold up was that my energy was pouring into the point story. only, at the time what i thot i was working on were sketches to hold the space. i was anxious to get them finished and get onto the ‘main events’.

the first day we arrived happened to be the presentation of the Mythologies of the Point - a SourcePoint presentation from Josh Schrei, that left me feelin juiced n buzzzing. i initially thought the giant point painting would serve as a portal for two yet-to-be-made series . i wanted to get there and get that painting done quickly so i could focus on the rest of the work. i planned to do 4-5 paintings during my time and felt like 4 of those would be the first four paintings in a 12 painting series. the point story unfolded )))

(channeled knowing)

the second morning of painting rez; a channelled message frm one of my creative spirit guides:

“sharing the path forward

“first there will be a sign

“of which way to go” (visual: stop sign - an egg directing traffic)

“it’s not a clear path

“just a clear beginning

“the egg unfolds as

“the path is walked

“the egg in this case is

“the curling feet

the curling pathway, the fractal, the spiral

“curling inward ever towards the center - the Source

- need to do several point paintings

“the point is the path

“show the point - grow it larger

“show the spiral grow it larger

“return to the point” (gold on black)

“the point is the pathway back to the point”

{i desired a lil further grounding n turned to tarot for guidance}

tarot advice - the four stages**

surrender (order/source) ‘enter w luv center and full trust; surrender, release’

connection (balance/grounding) ‘ground w tools n ritual, call in guides; med, dance, play’

awareness (harmony/activation) ‘pull up frm the dark portal within: source/pour out gems ((harmony thru surrender))—> the horizontal axis; the path fwd

release (flow/transformation) clear yr vessel ‘bring singularity to the many flowing voices’ ((flow thru surrender to cycle of connect & release; witnessing vastness -- paradox))

if u feel in conflict, center in luv & awareness: surrender

(live unfolding)

overcum with this new longview of the pieces unwinding, by that afternoon i was setting unreasonable goals by the handful n skipped a hot lunch in favor of several bowls of cereal. i had already becum my own ruthless manager by that evening and my system tied itself in a knot the next morning. i couldnt do a thing but think about the steps to recovering and feeling better (let alone painting). i traced my steps, a short trip. i had lost my way at the beginning, i had forgotten to surrender.

(~channeled knowing & live unfolding meet~) `*’a space of flo is reached’*`

one word came thru for what was needed N O U R I S H. a day of rest, nourishing with food n earth, and recentring myself to my mode within the task. a sourcepoint/bodytalk session the next morning re linkd communication breakdown frm within & i was a whole new bean. i joyfully showed up every morning, pouring gratitude into the space & energies partaking, caretaking my body and its needs and continually asking ‘what’s next, what feels right rn’.

i realized after the experience of deviating frm my path and plan that the four pieces i was laboring over were the four pieces of the larger series that i had planned to do. caught up in outcome expectations, i was relating to them like preparatory sketches. instead of releasing to what was unfolding, i was trying to rush them thru in order to get to sum ‘more meaningful’ idea execution. the larger piece that i was worried about not getting to ended up being painted in the last cpl days of the residenci over the full libra moon ~ a potent & joyful mirror of balance and duality. i am reminded regularly to relax into the divine timing of it all.

i remember too, deviated paths are such for our learning, for our growth. so i wonder,, how do i work & create without slipping into the comfy self-abuse of toxic productivity. how do i feel the subtle shifts in my mode before its effects ripple into my physical body ? perhaps more succinctly, what exactly is balanced productivity? what is grounded flow?

with this question i leave u for now, perhaps findings & possible answers to come.

thx for reading

xo,

lou fuzzy

*point story, part I ; an ordered view of the point*

*channeled knowing in this instance refers to both tuned channeling & engaged intuition.

**the quantumness of these stages makes this linear explanation a loose perception; in reality this is a full state like a river entered into. i find my way to the river by putting my awareness on it in stages.